A long strange trip....

And it's not over yet! Of course, it won't be over till my heart gives out.

In the meantime, it was good to see all my Northern California loved ones, or at least, as many as I could. I would have seen more in Sacramento, but Mom ended up having to get her gall bladder removed earlier than anticipated. That's OK though, because she's feeling much better! It was just a very different visit than I had anticipated, though it was a joy to be able to spend more time with her.

Camp and Sons was terrific, as always, though one of the organizers was injured... she'll pull through though, and safety measures are being put in place to ensure that it doesn't happen again! Everyone really pulled together to help her out, and we are all SO thankful that it wasn't any worse....

So now I'm back in LA and I'm on quite the job hunt. I feel confident that I should know where I'm going within the next week or so. Hooray!

Thinking back....

Yes, be in the present moment. However, to realize the profoundness of this moment, think of all the preceding moments which led to this one. What was that one door that opened, to which you probably owe most of how your life is now?

I am in a contemplative mood, having just finished my second Associate Producer gig, and having been told by the director that she'd like to work with me on her next feature. I also have another possible project in the works from another wonderful person I worked with on my last project. Add to that my nonprofit to "green" film and TV production, and what we have here is the culmination of many fortunate happenings sprouting directly from a few key decisions and chance happenings sprinkled over the last 10 years or so.

There are certain life-changing decisions we make, and we are very aware that we are doing so. And yet, something so simple as a random decision to, for example, go somewhere for a day or two with friends, can have a bigger impact than even the most well-thought out plans.

Anyway, I'm heading to SF Monday, so I better get some rest.

When I get back, I need to find work that will really pay the rent. Pronto! How's that for life-changing?

Peace.

Cleanse/Detox day 7

OK, so I dropped the ball. So sue me! Yesterday was Day 7, and I'm generally feeling pretty good, save for the little upper respiratory bug I've contracted. The juice only thing didn't work out so well: the hunger was too much for me. I've been eating SUPER healthy, though, when I do eat, and been a lot more aware of my portions. Those were really my main goals. Right now I'm focusing more on a detoxifying diet, meaning implementation of only detoxifying foods.

It's been a very informative process, especially dealing with cravings for certain foods (specifically fried or fattening ones!). I've had a couple other cleanses recommended to me which I'll look into. The best lesson of all, really, is how to consume a healthy, non-toxic diet every day, and that's most important.

Cleanse/Detox, Day 2

Today was interesting: I think I noticed the "hunger" a little more, and drank a decent amount of juice. I have had moments of waning mental clarity, but for the most part, the clarity has been waxing. I haven't been getting quite enough sleep, and yet I don't feel the same fatigue I have felt in the past. I'm managing! This is only day two though, and I am still allowing myself some food, though very little at that. I don't really want much at all, and even in the two days that have elapsed, I have begun to have a different relationship with how much and what kind of food I consume.

All in all, I feel good, and I think this was definitely the right way to go as far as cleansing/detoxification.

Cleanse/Detox, Day 1

I started my day off today by making a bunch of juice to drink throughout my waking hours. I decided to do the first three of ten days as "mostly juice" days, allowing myself a little meal and maybe a snack. When it came time to eat today, I simply wasn't hungry. I still forced myself to eat, and it tasted great! I noticed a pronounced hunger at the end of the night, so I allowed that snack, and all was well. There's still a little background hunger, but we'll see how the juicing goes tomorrow... as long as I keep a decent amount of juiced greens in the diet, I should be fine. My concoction of greens plus fruit seems to do the trick; I may whip up a couple batches, one with only greens and one with about half greens. I don't want to do just straight fruit juices, for the protection of my blood sugar level. Best lesson of the day: keep the tops on your carrots! Those greens are fantastic, and very alkalizing.

Today was relatively easy, and I've read it's supposed to be the hardest....? Day three on the Master Cleanse is supposed to be pretty difficult, but this is a little different. We shall see!

Just wondering....

Does what I'm writing here really matter to anyone besides me?

I find myself comforted when I read other peoples' blogs and can identify with what they are going through/thinking. A little bit of "wow, we're all human" seems to be more and more necessary these days. Thich Nhat Hanh says that we cannot have love without understanding. Doesn't everyone want to be understood to some degree? This is, of course, not to say that everyone ought to blog in order to feel understood. Or, consequently, loved.

This is possibly an attempt to feel more loved, though my subconscious has yet to reveal any truth to that. This is certainly not an attitude of propagation of self-pity. This IS an attempt to connect with my fellow humans by sharing a part of my innermost self. Do we gain any benefit from it? Who knows. Some might say "who cares."

A line from a song I've been mildly obsessed with lately, "Danger" by Verse Two, which likely won't be found in any Google search (I've looked), speaks to me like the initial point of a fractal reverberates infinitely thereafter:

"Let yourself help yourself help yourself and others"

Am I helping anyone else besides myself? Indeed, am I helping myself at all?

liquid/solid

What an excellent visit to San Francisco/Nor Cal! I saw so many wonderful friends and family, and did so many fabulous things.

The drive down went off without a hitch, except the one part where I nearly ran someone off the road. I didn't succeed though, thank goodness, and all was well. Wheee!

I wanted to mention something that has been very prominent for me lately: the unexpected. Much of this has come in the form of serendipitous surprises, and there has been a lot of it lately. Connections with people, finding a higher quality replacement for something I need on the sidewalk, time freeing up just when I need it most.

Perhaps it's the overwhelm from moving: I still feel a bit unstable and unfocused, plus I have all these peripheral projects floating around. Not in an insanity sort of way, per se-- I just feel I have a bit of a mess surrounding me, with a lot of disorganization and unsettledness in my sublet, my new place, my car, my boxes o' junk. I feel I am at least aware of and working with taking things one step at a time, yet I am still aware of that little voice echoing around in the back of my head saying, "Not good enough!" I think it's largely due to my own treatment of myself and my desire for approval. I understand this about myself, and, like an injury of some sort, I'm watching it, knowing it will heal, wanting the healing to go faster in spite of my grasp of the logic that it will heal when the right amount of time has passed. I'm almost ashamed that I feel insecure sometimes, and that begets more insecurity. Yucky.

Like Jell-O, it takes awhile for the liquid to become the somewhat yielding solid it's meant to be. In the meantime, I'm OK, just still "in the fridge."

And I'm glad to finally be a permanent LA resident. Let's see what happens.....