Two of the most important things for us to remember, and most difficult things for us to work with, in our lives as emotional beings on Earth:
1. Acceptance
2. Release
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
People lie, too
That's just how it goes, sometimes.
My gut instincts are usually pretty spot-on when things are not-so-great.
As for the rest of the times, I'm working on that. When things seem great, and then all of a sudden, they lurch into not being so, the rug is pulled out, and one is left to ask, "Can I ever trust myself again?"
Maybe always trying to see the goodness in people leaves me too vulnerable. When did trust become so destructive/destructible?
Tearing shit up. Roller coaster rides like none before, guttiwerts plunging through every emotional loop. This is good, though it certainly doesn't always feel that way. Ah, well: could be worse.
Back to work.
My gut instincts are usually pretty spot-on when things are not-so-great.
As for the rest of the times, I'm working on that. When things seem great, and then all of a sudden, they lurch into not being so, the rug is pulled out, and one is left to ask, "Can I ever trust myself again?"
Maybe always trying to see the goodness in people leaves me too vulnerable. When did trust become so destructive/destructible?
Tearing shit up. Roller coaster rides like none before, guttiwerts plunging through every emotional loop. This is good, though it certainly doesn't always feel that way. Ah, well: could be worse.
Back to work.
Friday, March 14, 2008
"The mind is a liar"
That was the theme of the day today.
I love my acting/singing coach, Shari. That woman knows what's up.
In my classes with her, we address ourselves as performers, not simply the performance. I have been feeling afraid lately... afraid of failure. What if I do all of this work on projects, put my everything into loving someone, and it fails? I fail?
Then she said, "Well, you can either do all this work and have it turn out some way, or you could just... not." Basically, put your heart, soul, blood, sweat, tears, and everything in between into what you do, or do nothing and waste away. I had said to my best friend just the other day, "No matter what, everything we do isn't for nothing." Yet again, I have spoken the truth and not heeded it.
So what's the point of this fear I've been conjuring up for myself, overshadowing the great happiness that truly is my life? Sure, I may not have everything 100% the way I want it to be, however I'm well on my way and I'm sure as HELL smart enough to get there.
By listening to the ridiculous stories my mind weaves, I create this tapestry of disbelief in what is true, overshadowing my true feelings, which are therefore shaped into something completely twisted and unreal. This tapestry wraps me like an itchy blanket, swaddling me in exorbitant self-injury. I am only torturing myself, I know this, and for whatever unconscious, deep-seated reason, it is a struggle to stop.
I think, upon coming face to face with what I'm truly capable of, I am confronting a part of myself that has been brewing for a very long time and is finally bubbling to the surface.
I hereby say to you, Mind: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!
:}
Breathe..... We are life.
I love my acting/singing coach, Shari. That woman knows what's up.
In my classes with her, we address ourselves as performers, not simply the performance. I have been feeling afraid lately... afraid of failure. What if I do all of this work on projects, put my everything into loving someone, and it fails? I fail?
Then she said, "Well, you can either do all this work and have it turn out some way, or you could just... not." Basically, put your heart, soul, blood, sweat, tears, and everything in between into what you do, or do nothing and waste away. I had said to my best friend just the other day, "No matter what, everything we do isn't for nothing." Yet again, I have spoken the truth and not heeded it.
So what's the point of this fear I've been conjuring up for myself, overshadowing the great happiness that truly is my life? Sure, I may not have everything 100% the way I want it to be, however I'm well on my way and I'm sure as HELL smart enough to get there.
By listening to the ridiculous stories my mind weaves, I create this tapestry of disbelief in what is true, overshadowing my true feelings, which are therefore shaped into something completely twisted and unreal. This tapestry wraps me like an itchy blanket, swaddling me in exorbitant self-injury. I am only torturing myself, I know this, and for whatever unconscious, deep-seated reason, it is a struggle to stop.
I think, upon coming face to face with what I'm truly capable of, I am confronting a part of myself that has been brewing for a very long time and is finally bubbling to the surface.
I hereby say to you, Mind: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!
:}
Breathe..... We are life.
AAA
Acknowledge: hear the knock at the door.
Accept: open the door.
Allow: invite all guests to stay awhile, no matter what you think of them (like Rumi said...).
I am self-conscious of my self-consciousness. Where's the off switch for this shit? I'm supposed to be happy. And I am.... just not completely. I suppose that's a choice, isn't it.
Accept: open the door.
Allow: invite all guests to stay awhile, no matter what you think of them (like Rumi said...).
I am self-conscious of my self-consciousness. Where's the off switch for this shit? I'm supposed to be happy. And I am.... just not completely. I suppose that's a choice, isn't it.
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