"The mind is a liar"

That was the theme of the day today.

I love my acting/singing coach, Shari. That woman knows what's up.

In my classes with her, we address ourselves as performers, not simply the performance. I have been feeling afraid lately... afraid of failure. What if I do all of this work on projects, put my everything into loving someone, and it fails? I fail?

Then she said, "Well, you can either do all this work and have it turn out some way, or you could just... not." Basically, put your heart, soul, blood, sweat, tears, and everything in between into what you do, or do nothing and waste away. I had said to my best friend just the other day, "No matter what, everything we do isn't for nothing." Yet again, I have spoken the truth and not heeded it.

So what's the point of this fear I've been conjuring up for myself, overshadowing the great happiness that truly is my life? Sure, I may not have everything 100% the way I want it to be, however I'm well on my way and I'm sure as HELL smart enough to get there.

By listening to the ridiculous stories my mind weaves, I create this tapestry of disbelief in what is true, overshadowing my true feelings, which are therefore shaped into something completely twisted and unreal. This tapestry wraps me like an itchy blanket, swaddling me in exorbitant self-injury. I am only torturing myself, I know this, and for whatever unconscious, deep-seated reason, it is a struggle to stop.

I think, upon coming face to face with what I'm truly capable of, I am confronting a part of myself that has been brewing for a very long time and is finally bubbling to the surface.

I hereby say to you, Mind: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!

:}

Breathe..... We are life.