liquid/solid

What an excellent visit to San Francisco/Nor Cal! I saw so many wonderful friends and family, and did so many fabulous things.

The drive down went off without a hitch, except the one part where I nearly ran someone off the road. I didn't succeed though, thank goodness, and all was well. Wheee!

I wanted to mention something that has been very prominent for me lately: the unexpected. Much of this has come in the form of serendipitous surprises, and there has been a lot of it lately. Connections with people, finding a higher quality replacement for something I need on the sidewalk, time freeing up just when I need it most.

Perhaps it's the overwhelm from moving: I still feel a bit unstable and unfocused, plus I have all these peripheral projects floating around. Not in an insanity sort of way, per se-- I just feel I have a bit of a mess surrounding me, with a lot of disorganization and unsettledness in my sublet, my new place, my car, my boxes o' junk. I feel I am at least aware of and working with taking things one step at a time, yet I am still aware of that little voice echoing around in the back of my head saying, "Not good enough!" I think it's largely due to my own treatment of myself and my desire for approval. I understand this about myself, and, like an injury of some sort, I'm watching it, knowing it will heal, wanting the healing to go faster in spite of my grasp of the logic that it will heal when the right amount of time has passed. I'm almost ashamed that I feel insecure sometimes, and that begets more insecurity. Yucky.

Like Jell-O, it takes awhile for the liquid to become the somewhat yielding solid it's meant to be. In the meantime, I'm OK, just still "in the fridge."

And I'm glad to finally be a permanent LA resident. Let's see what happens.....